To the Alyson StonerExperiencing conversion therapy has been such a difficult chapter in her life that her legs begin to tremble at the thought of going through it again.

During a Facebook Live interview with Insider on June 28, the 27-year-old former Disney child star, who rose to fame for roles in Cheaper by the Dozen and Step Up, reflected on her experiences with conversion therapy before coming out as pansexual. “I did some form of conversion therapy. I got into some sort of outpatient variant,” she explained, “because I didn’t feel safe in public about letting people know that I was trying to deal with it.”

She also went back to how she felt at the time and how the members of her religious community influenced her. “I felt stuck. I felt miserable. I had the feeling that everything was wrong with me, although in my heart I just wanted to be a devoted follower of God and all good and true and a messenger of love, my life all of these to express beautiful truths, “Stoner continued. “So to hear from people you trust, from people you respect, from people you might even want to become, when they say that you are ‘lazy’, ‘disgusting’ at heart, that the devil is a Aim on your back because of your position in Hollywood and you can’t let that turn the light off – it just puts you in a spiral, at least for me, because I just wanted to do the right thing. “